Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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