I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
