Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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