I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i came on her dog
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
