it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
