He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
