the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's even glitter on my cock...
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