I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
