i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
