totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
