We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
