He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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