so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
