he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
