I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
