weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up under a house in Key West
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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