He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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