he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
