my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
