Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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