Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
