I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
