Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
