the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
