When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
