yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
