if only i could text you this smell
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
