If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
