all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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