Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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