I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's always time for handjobs
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
