Little spoons don't ask big questions
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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