HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
