Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
