By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
