I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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