Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
