I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
