I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
