AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
