Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
and she was petting her beer can
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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