he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
