the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
