Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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