Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
