We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
