Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
