I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
