i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
