doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
