she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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