You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
