I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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