We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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