I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
