Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
