I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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