just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize