Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Your penis caused this!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
