You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
