RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
