I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
