But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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