So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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