I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
