Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
