Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
