She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.