My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
