Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.