I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.